1 to 10

by Ella Eggers, age 14
1 to 10 Ella is an incoming freshman at Baruch High School. She has been a camper at Writopia for two years. She enjoys writing realistic fiction and poetry.

“two is too long .. it runs & it bleeds & it bleeds and it bleeds out.”

Tossing turning thinking

revision remind rethink rewind reword

and reword

and rework

and swallow and don’t forget to breathe.

Don’t forget to breathe

don’t forget to breathe.

Watch your breathing

and don’t let it spiral

and don’t puff your breathing.

Focus on your heart go 123456789

123456789.

89

789

5689

679.

and one again

it always goes back to one

and square one

base one to homerun

I am ruled by the one.

Number one and

number one and

number one no wait…

two

two  (?)

two is for searching for wishing and lurking

never getting it right.

two is is is the absolute  worst

I Hate two.

two is too long  ..  it runs &  it bleeds & it bleeds and it bleeds out.

two is the cause of my fear

of all thoughts

of that dreaded second place

and second tier

and a benched life I have created  for myself.

and now

three.

three seems redundant

three because two wasn’t enough.

three to satisfy

three to be silenced

and three to hide

to hide behind.

three so there can be someone to shine

three to have a winner

and three so I can lose.

Four is the ‘All American Family’

four takes the focus off me.

it puts it all on him

Four is for splitting

dividing and quitting

and breaking up

Four was the fan favorite and the only thing to ever be exploited.

Four was a perfect storm.

Four for remembering I never really had the attention on me.

Four because I always wanted the attention on me and attracted negative attention when it didn’t               happen.

234

34

34

fi-

I need FIVE

five is the perfect half point and the place it all makes sense again

234 fi- 789

fi- 6789

1234 fi- 789

789

789

Four nervous breaths

and three rushed pants

and two distressed parents

one long night

and still no five.

FIVE 678

23456789

8989

89

89

89.

TEN

racing chasing

feet pacing

hearts beating

And 10

ten again

Ten fingers reaching up towards my ceiling and clenching down against my throat.

Ten white lies rushing into my ears

ten salted tears streaming down my face

not symmetrically though

7 on my left

2 on my right

and one left again

Wrong.

Just be even.

Why doesn’t mom understand

If my tears couldn’t be even how could I expect anything out of my life.

Even I didn’t really understand that.

234567

765432

2 7 2 7 2 7

I just understood that I was on a spectrum

I was a two

And I HATE  two.

123

123

1234

678910

And finally ~five.

swallow and don’t forget to breathe

Don’t forget to breathe

don’t forget to breathe

Watch your breathing

And try to stop the spiral

dont scare your ch

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