“FROG KING: S.E.W.F. has just sent another lightning-tornado towards our small village, and if we take another hit…
FROG PRINCE: What will happen?
FROG KING: We will be forced to relocate.”
LIST OF CHARACTERS:
FROG PRINCESS/LILY PATTY
SIR EVIL WIZARD FLYTRAP/S.E.W.F.
ACT I: THE FROG KING’S RETIREMENT
Frog Prince enters room where Frog King is sitting
FROG PRINCE: Father Frog, you called?
FROG KING: Yes, my dear youngest froggy. It seems now is the time to take action against Sir Evil Wizard Flytrap, or as we know him- S.E.W.F.
Frog Prince nods confidently
FROG KING: S.E.W.F. has just sent another lightning-tornado towards our small village, and if we take another hit…
FROG PRINCE: What will happen?
FROG KING: We will be forced to relocate.
Frog Prince gasps
FROG PRINCE: No!!!
FROG KING: Indeed. However, my son, if you look on the bright side, relocation doesn’t sound so bad, does it?
FROG PRINCE: I think it rather does, Father Frog, Sister and I would hate it!
FROG KING: Not for you, child, for me!
FROG PRINCE: What are you talking about?!
FROG KING: Well, I’ve been thinking. I’m pretty old, aren’t I? Eight years old tomorrow! Since your sister is the heir to the throne, I was hoping you could tell her that I’m retiring for me.
FROG PRINCE: Why do I have to tell her? She expected you to retire in at least another year, and she hates surprises! This will likely make her furious! And you know how Sister is when she is angry…
FROG KING: Of course I know, in fact, you got lucky! You were only a tadpole when she was in her most angry phase! And since I’m leaving you two here while I move to Froglandia-
FROG PRINCE: (in a whiny voice) But IIIII want to leave, too!!!
FROG KING: Hush, quit acting like a tadpole, Tad! As I was saying, since I’m leaving for Froglandia and starting a much more peaceful part of my life, I should be more easygoing. Starting with having you deliver the news to your sister.
Frog Prince rolls his eyes
FROG PRINCE: Wow, thank you, Father.
FROG KING: You’re welcome. Another easygoing thing I’ve decided to do as my final act as Frog King is befriend S.E.W.F., it seems fitting, since I was the only royal frog he ever disliked.
FROG PRINCE: You said it was my great-grandfather who accidentally lost S.E.W.F.’s crazy grandmother!
FROG KING: Did I? Well, no, I just didn’t look him in the eye when shaking his leaf…
FROG PRINCE: Father!!!
FROG KING: You can’t blame me, I was distracted by some nearby flies!
FROG PRINCE: That is not at all an excuse, but let me get this straight. You’re going to leave Sister and I to rule our small village and deal with your problems, while you go have flies with our sworn enemy?
FROG KING: Oh, no no no, young frog!
Frog Prince releases a big breath
FROG PRINCE: Oh, that’s good!
FROG KING: Actually, I’ve had it arranged for you to meet with S.E.W.F. this evening!
FROG PRINCE: You’ve GOT to be kiddi-
Frog King checks his imaginary watch
FROG KING: Oh, would you look at the time?! I’ve got to go catch a llama before it’s too late!
FROG PRINCE: Where are you going?!
FROG KING: Didn’t I already tell you? Froglandia!
Frog King rushes out of the room, leaving Frog Prince.
FROG PRINCE: Oh my toad.
ACT II: THE PRINCE TELLS THE PRINCESS
Frog Prince is waiting outside of Frog Princess’s home and knocks on the door
FROG PRINCE: Sister? Lily? *knocks on door again* Lily Patty???
Frog Princess opens the door and looks surprised to see Frog Prince
FROG PRINCESS: Why are you here?
FROG PRINCE: I missed you too!!!
Frog Princess sighs
FROG PRINCESS: Seriously, Tad, what’s going on?
Frog Prince looks nervous
FROG PRINCE: Just warning you, It’s not my fault.
FROG PRINCESS: What isn’t your fault?
Frog Prince takes a deep breath
FROG PRINCE: Father left for Froglandia just now and he’s retiring and he’s sending me to have flies with S.E.W.F. this evening and you’re Queen Frog now and I don’t know what to do!!!
FROG PRINCESS: Woah. That would be crazy.
FROG PRINCE: It is!!!
FROG PRINCESS: It would be. I know this is a prank, Brother Frog.
FROG PRINCE: I WISH. Father just left on a llama!
Frog Princess crosses her arms over her chest
FROG PRINCESS: Really? That’s hard to believe. I thought they permanently refused service to him after he spilled flies on the llama he was riding on.
FROG PRINCE: I guess he’s hoping to get lucky and find a llama that hasn’t heard of him? And hey, that incident was your fault for not screwing the thermos holding the flies the whole way…
Frog Princess glares at Frog Prince and takes a deep breath
FROG PRINCESS: Don’t you blame this on me, mister, S.E.W.F. attacked again today, I have had enough things going wrong today, you-
Frog Prince steps back cautiously
FROG PRINCE: Woah, woah, woah, calm down! Now is not the time to unleash your sisterly rage on me. What is it, 4 in the afternoon? We should be preparing for our meeting with S.E.W.F.!
FROG PRINCESS: Our meeting?
FROG PRINCE: Oh, um, right, I was hoping you would consider coming with me…?
FROG PRINCESS: Ugh! You are so lucky I was raised a good frog.
ACT III: FLIES WITH S.E.W.F.
Frog Prince and Frog Princess have just arrived at S.E.W.F.’s house
Both look nervous
FROG PRINCESS: G-g-good day, Sir F-Flytrap.
S.E.W.F.: What brings you two here? Are enemies supposed to hang out?
FROG PRINCE: We, er, came to create peace between our species. Sir.
S.E.W.F.: That seems quite boring. And relatively impossible. No wonder you are Prince Tadpole, you are thinking like a child.
FROG PRINCE: That’s not very nice. And what makes peace impossible?
S.E.W.F.: Well, peace has to be agreed upon, and as I said, it’s really quite boring. Why would I agree to something as boring as peace?
FROG PRINCESS: We brought you flies, if it helps…
S.E.W.F.’s eyes light up with excitement
S.E.W.F.: Oh! That would help… where did you get these flies?
FROG PRINCE: The swamp.
FROG PRINCESS: They’re very fresh!
S.E.W.F. claps his leaves excitedly
S.E.W.F.: Ooh, I haven’t had swamp flies in a long, long time…
FROG PRINCESS: Well, you won’t have them for an even longer time if you keep attacking our village, Sir Flytrap.
S.E.W.F. ponders this for a moment
S.E.W.F.: I suppose you’re right. Let’s sit and discuss this while eating these delicious flies.
They all sit
S.E.W.F.: Peace would be quite a new concept for me. Would you mind going over what it entitles?
FROG PRINCE: Well, you would probably have to agree to have your name shortened.
S.E.W.F.: How come?
FROG PRINCE: Sir Wizard Flytrap is a lot more peaceful-sounding than Sir Evil Wizard Flytrap, wouldn’t you agree?
S.E.W.F.: Well, I suppose. Ok, from now on I will be known as Sir Wizard Flytrap, or S.W.F., but pronounced just like S.E.W.F.
FROG PRINCESS: Marvelous! Another thing peace would mean would be that you would stop sending lightning-tornadoes towards our small village, and us frogs would stop hogging all of the flies.
S.W.F.: You’ve been hogging the flies?! No wonder my meals have been ending quicker!
FROG PRINCESS: Is that not why you’ve attacked us in the past?
FROG PRINCE: Oh, right, I forgot to tell you, it’s actually Father’s fault. Father didn’t look Sir Flytrap here in the eye when shaking his leaf.
Frog Princess gasps and S.W.F nods sorrowfully
S.W.F.: Yes, the number one rule of both Frog Etiquette and Flytrap Etiquette. I was deeply offended.
FROG PRINCE: Obviously.
Frog Princess glares at Frog Prince
FROG PRINCESS: Anyone would have been offended. I deeply apologize, Sir Flytrap, for my father’s mistakes, but you met him. He was always a bit of a ditzy frog, you know, and his actions were in no way intended as an offense.
S.W.F. nods and chews on a fly
S.W.F.: I see your point. He definitely was a bit ditzy. So, if we advance with this peace thing, you frogs will leave more flies for flytraps and I won’t send lightning-tornadoes at your village.
FROG PRINCESS: Correct.
S.W.F.: But that’s not fair. I had to change my name too, and you guys only did one thing.
FROG PRINCE: That’s true. How about we have weekly flies together, since you seem to be enjoying our flies quite a bit?
S.W.F.: That’s alright with me.
FROG PRINCESS: Perfect! We should be getting home now, turns out I have to plan my coronation.
S.W.F. raises his eyebrows questioningly
FROG PRINCESS: Did I not mention that my father has just retired and fled- sorry, traveled- to Froglandia?
S.W.F.: Interesting. I might want to join him soon.
FROG PRINCE: Well, let’s shake on this treaty and start planning.
The frogs shake S.W.F.’s leaf, making sure to look him in the eyes, and head back to their now-safe village.