The Adventures of Mr.Toast

by Djuna Appel Riehle
The Adventures of Mr.Toast

“Bob (Lila): (yawns) I am well rested, but I need breakfast. Where is my toast? Ah, there it is! (he walks to table, seats himself, picks up toast)
(Mr. Toast enters)Mr. Toast(Barah): No, wait! Don’t eat me! I am a valuable object”

Avery: Frederick, Mr. Toast        Barah: Mr. Toast, Customer

Sophie: Angel, Celene              Jack: Narrator, Employee

Lila: Bob, Rockman                 Djuna: Director

 

Act 1, Scene 1: Empty table and chair with piece of toast

Narrator (Jack: Warning: some events in this story are not suitable for gluten-free audiences. In a small suburban house…

(Bob enters)

Bob (Lila): (yawns) I am well rested, but I need breakfast. Where is my toast? Ah, there it is!

(he walks to table, seats himself, picks up toast)

(Mr. Toast enters)

Mr. Toast(Barah): No, wait! Don’t eat me! I am a valuable object!

Bob: How so?

Mr. Toast: I have traveled the world, seen all you can imagine!

Bob: (crossing arms) How so?

Mr. Toast: I will tell you, just sit back and enjoy. It was a foggy night…

 

Scene 2: a street in Paris

(Celene and Toast are walking, Celene drops purse)

Toast: Allow me.

(he picks up purse)

Celene (Sophie): (accepts purse) What a gentleman! I’m Celene.

(she curtsies)

(Toast bows)

Toast: I present myself as Mr. Toast.

Celene: How lovely!

(Toast offers arm)

Toast: Shall we go?

Celene: (excepting arm) Yes, we shall.

(they exit)

(Toast comes back on)

Toast: And that was only an example. Later on, we married…

 

Scene 3: they sit in front of crackling fire, holding hands

Toast: I love you.

Celene: And I you. I’m so glad you’re my husband.

Toast: Yes. I, myself, am glad that you accept me for who I am, even if I am a little…toasty.

Celene: Actually…

Toast: What?

Celene: (quietly) I’m sorry.

(Frederick enters, hugs Celene)

Frederick (Avery): Ready to go, honey?

Toast: Honey? What is this? Is something wrong? Is this man assaulting you? I’ll call 911-

Celene: No…Toast, Frederick is my new husband-I’m sorry.

(Frederick and Celene exit)

Toast: (crying) Why? Why? What’s wrong with me?

 

Scene 4: back to Bob and Toast

Bob: And that proved your point how?

Toast: (sadly) It didn’t prove anything, huh? I’m still a pointless, lovestruck nobody. Go ahead, eat me.

(Bob pulls out knife and fork, sawing Toast)

Toast: I love you Celeeeeeeene!

(falls to ground, dead, curtain closes)

 

 

Act 2, Scene 1: A bright light, Toast lays on floor, asleep

Narrator(Jack): After the sad death in the last episode, Mr. Toast was reborn as a…

(Toast wakes up)

Toast(Avery): A bagel?! Why a bagel? Why couldn’t I be a muffin? Or a cupcake?

(Angel enters)

Angel(Sophie): Because that’s who you are, Toast. Inside.

Toast: Excuse me?

Angel:(whispers) Be the bagel…Be the bagel…

Toast: Who are you?

Angel: Your guardian Angel…Angel…Angel…

(exits, waving arms)

 

Scene 2: New York Bagels Store, Employee sits behind counter, Toast next to him.

(Customer enters)

Employee(Jack): Welcome to NY Bagels. What can I get you?

Customer(Barah): How ‘bout that bagel?

(points at Toast)

Toast: What? No! You can’t take me! I don’t want to die AGAIN!

(Rockman walks over)

Rockman: Excuse me, but did that bagel just talk?

Customer: Yeah, I heard it too!

Toast: I didn’t talk-I mean! Bagel sound. Bagel sound.

Rockman: Oh. Never mind, I guess.

Customer: Yeah. How much is it?

Employee: $3.00

Customer: Deal.

(hands over  money, grabs toast, starts walking)

Toast: Whyyy?

(they stop)

Customer: The bagel! It-it talked!

Rockman: (yelling) Everybody run!

(everybody runs off stage, then all come back)

Everyone: The End

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