“Love is a strong word a word you only use if you really mean it. Love: an intense feeling of deep affection. And that was what I was feeling: deep affection.”
After you read this you may think my life is some cheesy teenage camp love story you find on Disney Channel but this- this is a true story. A story about a real teenage love.
Hi, I’m Winter and I’m 13 and I’m not like every other girl in my school. I’m Bisexual and Genderfluid. I’m attracted to boys and girls. And one day I could be a boy and another day I can be a girl and another I can be neutral. The first day of camp I was stoked but I was scared. I was happy to meet new people but I didn’t know how happy they were to meet me. When I arrived to the DC headquarters there she was: her short blonde hair with brown streaks. She called herself Beck. She had a creative personality and a passion for friendship. When you looked in her eyes, it was like in an instant your heart beat out of your chest. Before I knew it we were being shipped together on the bus. How we fell in love Is a whole other story.
It all started on the bus. She was a little car sick. So was I. So she held my hand until we got here. it was like when we touched fireworks burst in my heart. I thought she didn’t like me but I guess I was wrong. Because that same day I decided to pass her a note at the event with song lyrics: A backless dress and some beat up sneaks. My discotheque Juliet teenage dream. And she responded: You’re adorable. Thank you, love. After the event, we got our food. She walked to the health center and I kissed her soft cheek. At first I was a little scared so I started to run but she stopped me and kissed me back. Like they say in the movies, “It was like we were the only two in the world.” But that’s how it felt. I waited for her outside the health center and I walked her to her cabin. I kissed her goodnight.
Then next day I was eager to see her. But she was telling everyone that we were together like I was some kind of toy. I didn’t understand. She said she needed to talk to me. That’s always a bad sign. But it wasn’t. She said she hadn’t been in a real relationship before and that she wanted to date just for camp to see how it went. I was little skeptical but I trusted her. And with that we kissed each other goodbye and went to our separate cabins. That night I could think of nothing else but her. Her voice, her hair, her name, her warm skin on my hand. I love her.
Love is a strong word a word you only use if you really mean it. Love: an intense feeling of deep affection. And that was what I was feeling: deep affection. The next day at the event I walked her to canteen. It was pretty romantic but at the same time not because there were people everywhere so it wasn’t that romantic as I thought. I sat down trying to quietly write a song. But it was so loud. So I walked out of the room and I glanced at her. She came chasing after.
“Are you mad at me? Did I do something?” she said.
“No it’s just, I’m a little tired,” I responded.
I went to my cabin after that everyone wanted to know about Beck. If we were dating and what the deal was.
“Where were you?” Anne says.
“I was walking Beck to her cabin, sorry,” I reply.
“It’s cool,” says Marley.
“So are you and Beck like dating now?”
“If you must know then yes…”
“Now I need to shower.”
“When you come out of the shower you need to tell us everything!”
I told them everything I wanted to but I left out a few details.
For a few days Beck was avoiding me. I was a little confused. Last time I checked couples were supposed to talk at least once a day. After the second day I started saying to my friend Tabitha that I might end it with Beck because she was pretty much using me for a trophy at camp. So the next day at the dance, I started thinking and I started to cry and I sat by the window on the second floor thinking about how I would cut it off.
I really loved her but the question was, does she love me? Tabitha saw me crying and she walked over to me and she asked me what was wrong. I told her again that I thought Beck was using me for camp. Then Beck came over to hug me and she asked Tabitha to step away for a while. I told Beck that I thought she was just using me for camp and that she didn’t really love me.
And that every time I walked up to her she would walk away or walk faster. She told me that she really did love me and she wanted to date me. She told me that everytime I walked up to her and walked away was because she was in an argument. Then she did something that proved her point. She kissed me. Smack on my lips. We ran back into the party and she lead me to Tabitha and she kissed me again. Then we danced for a good five minutes until I got thirsty. So I went to go get water. Beck told me she would be with Melissa our friend from DC. When I got back I was pulled outside by Melissa and Beck and they told me something that really sucked. Beck told me that she realized she wasn’t romantically attracted to me. She kept apologizing. But I couldn’t take it. I ran inside and sat next to the hot chocolate machine and cried. Tabitha saw me and she took me into the boys bathroom to calm me down. She told me I was the most beautiful bravest smartest person she knows and that if Beck can’t see that then that’s her fault.
She asked me if I was going to sit here and cry or get out there and dance like there was no tomorrow. And I did. I had a fun night. I had forgotten about Beck until someone brought her up in my cabin and I cried. I was awake thinking, Why did she just tell me? Why not tell me before we started dating? Why me? Why does every girl I date change their mind? My first girlfriend told me that she wasn’t bisexual while we were dating and now Beck says she’s not romantically attracted to me. I cried and cried until I got tired.
Next thing I knew it was morning and we were heading to breakfast. I told her that I wasn’t mad at her but I was broken hearted. I walked away. I wanted to talk to her again but I didn’t feel like I could. I felt like she wouldn’t even acknowledge me. For the first time I was admitting I was scared. I was really scared. I was scared to look at her in her deep eyes and fall for her again but then realize it would be a spiral of falling in love and falling out of love. So I just left, I left myself on a cliff hanger. But I don’t want to find out what happens next.