I wanted to live wrapped in a box
locked away from jigsaws and buttons
doors that slam and peppers that burn
I wished I would find appreciation in the veins
of leaves
of the ice on my sleeves when I walked
streets of blackened snow
I fancied I’d look up one day
and see orbs that shined brighter
than electrical lampposts
I had the will to cut away the pavement
that made my feet hurt as they pounded
hurtling me past figures that leeched eagerness
I tried to see past metaphysical maybes that
made my head burn and cry out strings of lost thought
lost imagination
lost longings
It all came crashing down on me
and everything unfurled and churned
and spun up a storm of failure and
danger
and
lust for clear skin
need for praise
eager for approval of yesterday’s French braids
agile ankles
longer lashes
I left my mind in a maze
and reality in bed
because of what she said
I ripped off my braces because they didn’t match
my painted nails
I tied my shoes with one loop because two
had less finesse
And I forgot that people are animals
and I didn’t know what I was
and I should have
but I didn’t care because
she said I didn’t have to
I still wanted sweet peppers
and puzzles
and the intricacies of leaves
and celestial somethings
I just got distracted for a while