Dave Is Just a Small Town Boy Living in a Lonely World

by Aidan Healy, age 12
Dave Is Just a Small Town Boy Living in a Lonely World

“As Dave and the llama walk down the cave, the liquid inside the crystals start to move in like a whirlpool sort of motion.”

The tale of Jeff the llama and Dave the human, the two greatest super heroes ever. Based on a true story.

 

Dave is just small town boy living in a lonely world. Dave is just 12, but he works at his dad’s llama farm. One day a llama went loose. Dave followed, the llama led Dave to a weird cave with glowing crystals just like the cave from the movie Chronicle but NOT THE SAME ONE because copyright infringement. As Dave and the llama walk down the cave, the liquid inside the crystals start to move in like a whirlpool sort of motion. The llama touches the crystal and the crystal turns red. All of a sudden, there is a bang and the llama and Dave fall asleep but not like people in Chronicle because our movie is better. Dave wakes up at the same as the llama, Dave is shocked when the llama actually spoke.

“Ah, my head is killing me,” the llama said.

Dave said, ”You just spoke, actually spoke.”

Llama said, “You can understand me?”

“Si,” Dave replied. “But you’re a llama.”

“I have a name, you know,” said the llama. “Llamas have names, we’re actually a very advanced race, now I have an idea, lets get out of the cave.”

Dave said, “You said had a name, what is the name?”

“My name is Canton Everit Delware the 3rd but you can call me Jeff.”

Dave said, “How can you be talking right now?”

Jeff said, “I don’t know, maybe you’re speaking llama right now.”

“What? Of course I am not, llamas don’t have a language, they just have an assortment of baahs.”

As the least qualified super heroes make their journey (pun not intended to the beginning), they did not notice the gaping hole right in front of them. They continue to walk forward and fall. Llama starts to fly and picks up Dave and they fly out of the hole.

Dave said, “You can fly?!”

Llama said “I can’t fly.”

Dave said, “So then what are you doing right now, falling in style, come on be smart.”

Llama said, “I must show the colony my power.”

Dave said, “Can I come.”

As the two heroes walk into the secret underground colony of the Llamas, they see a huge statue of LL Cool J.

“Why is there a statue of LL Cool J?” Dave said.

“LL Cool J is the creator of the llamas and he is also the best character in NCIS,” Jeff replied.

Dave said, “LL cool J was not the creator of llamas.”

“Think about it, haven’t you ever wondered why there are two l’s in llama,” Jeff replied.

As they were walking, Dave sneezed really hard and lasers came out of his eyes and cut the statue in half. “I can shoot lasers! OUT MY EYES!” Dave said.

“Apparently you can, now it’s time to run.”

“Wait, you can fly!”

“Oh…yeah, BYE,” Jeff said as flies away.

Dave said, “Wait come back, take me with you.”

“I do what I want,” Jeff.

Dave said, “Please help me, plus llamas should help humans, we are a more advanced race.”

“I am a flying llama that likes human TV shows, speaks English and I have another super power later on,” said Jeff.

“How do you know you have another super power?” said Dave.

“The narrator told me,” Jeff said.

”I’ll make the narrator tell what the super power is if you get me out of here,” Dave. The two worst heroes in the universe fly out of danger, well that’s it, they flew out of danger that’s it nothing more nothing less. I know you were expecting something witty but I ran out, wait here I can search something up hold. No, nope, nuh, ah yes finally, ok you ready alright, here it goes, yo mama so fat, when she sits around the house she sits around the house. We’re…we’re really scraping at the bottom of the barrel.

Jeff said, “Dave, since you destroyed the statue of LL Cool J, every single llama in the universe is after you and me so there is only one place we be safe in, that is Hotel California,”

said Dave. “This will be living it up in the Hotel California, what a lovely place, what a lovely place, such a lovely place, such a lovely…”

Shhhhhhh, we already talked about this copyright infringement. Dave and Jeff said together, “Thanks narrator, also thanks custom ink.”

When the heroes walked into their room, they found an expired credit card but the heroes thought that the credit card was perfectly fine. They use the card and wasted all their money on nothing. Without any money, Dave and Jeff go on welfare. All of there friends hated them for taking advantage of a government program.

“Do you think it’s wrong to be on welfare when there are other people that need welfare more than us,” said Jeff.

Dave said, “Hey, we’re super heroes.”

 

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